i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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