I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Just puked most of my soul out..
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