I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
