there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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