Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Randomize
