The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
