we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Randomize
