Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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