well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
