last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
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Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
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Can you bring me the toilet please
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
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