shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Randomize
