At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Randomize
