Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
