Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
