I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
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