Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
40s are totally the cure
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
