I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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