Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
