Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
