I wish I could punch you in the face.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Randomize
