I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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