remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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