im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
