Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
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Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
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He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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