Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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