I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
