that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
