Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
