is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
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