I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
