In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
this just has baby written all over it
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Randomize
