Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
