Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
