i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
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