Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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