So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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