its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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