My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Did we literally take a cab across the street
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
