all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
