this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize