I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
