I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
