I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
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