its not stalking. its research.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
