Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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