the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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