dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
You ate ashes out of my bong
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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