Don't you send me to vm
YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Houston, we have a blender
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Randomize
