You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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