i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
