Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Randomize
