John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
