Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
