She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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