so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
