sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
i think im in europe. pls send help
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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