Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
you never un-have a 4some
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
