I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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