I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
