I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
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