Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
