Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
