dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
