I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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