Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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