I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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