i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Randomize
