Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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