You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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