The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
