she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
