How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
