You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
as a side note pls kill me
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
