I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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