she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Randomize
