i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Randomize
