thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Randomize
